I want to write something good--something worthwhile. I feel too lazy to articulate many of my thoughts, unfortunately.

I had a good conversation yesterday about Asian American identity with two of my friends.

What is strength?
Strength is found not in being an individual, necessarily. There is strength in swallowing bitterness for the sake of the harmonious whole. To me, it is important to consider the people around me. There is this strange melding that comes with standing within two cultures (or more).

I just finished reading this book called "Over the Bamboo Fence" which is a narrative of the wife of an American military man stationed in Japan after WWII. In it, she talks about how Japanese people feel that they are born into this world with a measure of debt...to parents, family, close social circle. They spend their whole lives trying to repay that debt. When someone they do not know does something kind for them, they feel more indebted because it was out of the expected debt relationship pattern. Thus, they were embarassed and slightly annoyed when an American would so something nice for them. They would feel the need to repay them even more--often giving them something of great worth in return. Now, the Americans found this silly because, to them, it really was nothing that they acted in kindness; it was a matter of human decency to help a child you did not know but whom you saw get hit by a bicycle (for example).

As an Asian American, I feel this cycle of debt-repayment deeply. This is why grace is such an outlandish concept to me. But being American as well as Asian, I see the circle of people I should help as all humanity--not just those I am related to. Thus, it is of great concern that I look out for the interests of everyone I am connected to.

This leads to me being indecisive because I want everyone to be happy; my own wishes are not as important as the well-being of the group. It is a noble thing--sacrifice.